Snuggle in, sweetie! It's cold out there.
Why is it snowing, Grandma? Where does it come from?
Oh, that's a long story, sweetheart.
- I wanna hear. - Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
I'm not sleepy. Tell me, please.
Well, all right.
Let's see...
I guess it would have to start with... scissors!
Scissors?
Well, there are all kinds of scissors.
And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands.
- A man? - Yes.
- Hands scissors? - No, scissor hands.
You know the mansion on top of the mountain?
It's haunted.
Well...
A long time ago...
an inventor lived in that mansion.
He made many things, I suppose.
He also created a man.
He gave him insides, a heart, a brain, everything.
Well, almost everything.
You see, the inventor was very old.
He died before he got to finish the man he invented.
So the man was left by himself,
incomplete and all alone.
He didn't have a name?
Of course he had a name.
His name was Edward.
Avon calling!
- Weren't you just here? - No, not since last season!
Today I've come to show you our exquisite new line of softer colors, in shadows,
blushes and lipstick.
Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing look.
My changing look... That's good!
I also have a complete selection of your old favorites,
those tried and true products we've all come to depend on year in and year out.
Come on, Peg, I never buy anything from you.
I know. Bye, Helen.
Um, you didn't have to call me, ma'am. You could have taken care of this by yourself.
I could? I don't think so.
It's easy. Your food trap's clogged, that's all.
See this bolt here? You just unscrew this...
Mm-hm...
And out she pops.
On TV they say you repairmen are a lonely bunch.
Housewives get lonely too, though you may not realize it since they haven't made an ad.
And then you just take this and put it back in here nice and easy. Be careful not to force it.
And then you just screw this back on.
Oh, now who could that be?
Will you excuse me for a moment?
Now, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back. This is fascinatin'!
I wouldn't wanna miss a moment of it!
- Good morning, Joyce. Avon calling! - Why, Peg...
Have you gone blind? Can't you see that vehicle in my drive?
Oh. Yes.
Don't you realize that means I'm busy?
OK, now we should decide on lipsticks.
OK, dear, did you like the Winsome Wahini, which looked charming on you,
or the Bahimini Bliss?
- I like 'em both. - Well, great!
You don't actually think I have any money, do you?
Ding-dong! The Avon lady!
Just not my day.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, it's so beautiful!
Hello?
Hello? Avon calling!
Oh, my!
Hello?
I'm Peg Boggs. I'm your local Avon representative. Hello?
I... I'm sorry to barge in like this, but you don't have any reason to be afraid.
Ooh! This is some huge house, isn't it?
Thank goodness for those aerobics... classes.
Hello? Hello?
Why are you hiding back there?
You don't have to hide from me. I'm Peg Boggs.
I'm your local Avon representative,
and I'm as harmless as cherry pie...
Oh, my!
I can see that I've disturbed you.
How stupid of me. I'll just be going now.
Don't go.
Oh, my!
What happened to you?
- I'm not finished. - Ohh!
Put those down. Don't come any closer. Please...
Those are your hands?
Those are your hands!
What happened to you?
Where are your parents? Um...
Your mother?
Your father?
He didn't wake up.
Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself?
What happened to your face?
I won't hurt you.
At the very least, let me give you a good astringent.
This will help to prevent infection.
What's your name?
Edward.
Edward...
I think you should just come home with me.
Ohh!
- I'm... I'm sorry. - No. No, don't be.
You go ahead and look. You have every reason to be excited.
Oh! You OK?
You OK?
Hello?
Hi. Yeah, it's Marge.
I was standing outside talking to Carol, and Peg drove by. She had somebody with her.
- Did you get a good look at him? - No, I didn't.
Did she say anything to you about having a guest?
Nothing at all. She rang my doorbell at the crack of dawn.
No... OK, I'll meet you on the corner.
Right. Bye.
Oh! Damn!
Here we go, dear. This is our house.
You can just go right in and make yourself right at home, OK?
We’ll have something to eat or drink, or... Whatever you...
Here, dear. Here we go. This is the front door. Here we go. Right in here.
Joyce? I just saw this strange guy drive in with Peg. I didn't get a good look.
He looked kinda pale.
On my way. Don't do anything without me.
Yes! Be right there!
Here we are.
So... um, this is the living room and back here are the bedrooms.
You want to see the pictures? All right.
Well, this is my husband Bill. He's a bowling champion.
Do you know what bowling is?
Bowling?
No. Well... Here they are down at the lake, fishing.
I think Kevin looks a little glum because they didn't catch anything that day.
And, um... here's my daughter Kim.
All dressed for the junior prom.
She's a senior now, if you can believe it!
She's camping in the mountains with friends,
but she'll be back in a few days. You can meet then.
Isn't she beautiful?
That's my family.
Come along. I'll show you the rest of the house.
Then you can just freshen up and make yourself at home.
That's the kitchen over there. Help yourself to anything you want.
Those are grapes. And, um... back here are the bedrooms.
Let me get you some towels and I’ll see what we can find for you to wear.
You know what? I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here. This is perfect!
Here. These should just fit you.
- Oh! Don't be alarmed. That's just the phone.
Now you can go in Kim's room and put these on, and I'll be right with you.
No, no, scissors. No, scissors.
That's right. Well, he was... born up there or... something.
- Have you seen him before? - No, I doubt he's ever been off the grounds.
Then how did you ever get together with him?
Listen, I have to go now. I'll talk to you later, Marge. Bye-bye.
Sorry, Edward, I didn't...
May I help you with this?
Thank you.
There you go. Oh dear, you've cut your face.
Here. Let me just get this right off.
- Does that hurt? - No.
Good. OK. Now, let's get you dressed.
OK...
There we go. Very fine!
You look fine, just fine!
Helen, come on! She wouldn't wait for you.
I've got rollers in my damn hair!
OK...
Now, what did I do with my sciss...?
Edward, um... would you?
Thank you.
You know, I have a doctor friend who I think could help you.
- Really? - Yes.
Now, I can help with the scars...
But I just wanna consult the big Avon handbook before doing anything.
Kevin!
It's not polite to stare, dear.
Think how it would make you feel if somebody were staring at you.
- I wouldn't care. - Well, I would, so don't do it!
Well, this must be quite a change for you, right, Ed?
- Edward, dear. I think he prefers Edward. - Oh, sure.
So what have you been doin' with yourself up there in that big old place? I bet the...
- I bet the view must be spectacular, huh, Ed? - Edward!
Yes?
No, I... I just...
See all the way to the ocean, I bet, huh?
Sometimes.
Bill, could I have the salt and pepper, please?
Bill, dear, could I have the salt and pepper, please? Thank you.
Kevin...!
Man, those things are cool!
I bet they're razor-sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck...
Kevin...!
Edward,
would you like some butter for your bread?
Great!
Thank you.
Hey, can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?
Kevin, I've had enough.
Do you think you can sleep?
I know things feel strange, but soon you'll feel right at home.
- Good night. - Good night.
The light concealing cream goes on first,
then you blend and blend and blend.
Blending is the secret.
Mm-hm!
More concealing cream...
Your complexion is so fair!
Now, this has a touch of lavender in it...
Give it a try here.
Close enough!
OK, this should do the trick here.
Hmph!
I have another idea.
We'll cover up the scars and start with a completely smooth surface.
Darn this stuff!
They still have 11 on the scoreboard, and it's three to one.
It's through the gap to Warren.
Now they change it to 12 hits.
Turn it up, Kevin, I can't hear it!
Kevin!
- It's hammered! - Did you hear that, Mr Boggs?
- No, make it louder! - It's gone,
it's out of here, it's history!
Dad...
Look!
to make it a five-run inning and blow this game to pieces!
I'll be darned.
They filled the whole tape!
What's going on over there, Peg? Call me.
Hi, it's Marge. Who is he? Call me.
Oh, by the way, l hear it's pouring rain in the mountains. Do you think the kids are OK?
Hey there, darlin'! The gals are all in a tizzy about your secret visitor.
You can’t keep him a secret forever!
Well, it's just wonderful, Ed. My God, you have the whole family in there, don't ya?
And he answers the challenge at first with a strike of his own.
Edward, come here.
No, no, no, that's a terrible idea, son!
Go to the garage and get the oil can. We don't want him rusting up on us.
Ohh!
Edward, you did us!
- Oh, Bill, it's us! - Yes, it is.
Oh, Edward!
It's not heaven he's from, it's straight from the stinking flames of hell.
The power of Satan is in him, I can feel it.
- Can't you? Have you sheep strayed so far? - We're not sheep.
Don't come near me.
That's right. Go on, get outta here, run!
Edward, don't you listen to her!
Don't worry about her, Edward. She's just a little loony, that's all.
Hi!
You-all are hidin' in there like hermit crabs.
Hi, Joyce. Hi!
Shame on you, keepin' your unusual guest to yourself.
We think that's mighty selfish of you.
Things have been hectic here.
That is so sweet of you to wanna correct the situation.
What time does the barbecue begin?
Barbecue?
You intend to introduce your guest to your friends,
don't you? - I'll bring coleslaw.
And I will bring the ambrosia salad!
- What time was it that you said? - Uh, what time...
- Bill! - About five?
Bill!
He has been sent first to tempt you!
But it's not too late. You must push him from you, expel him.
Trample down the perversion of nature.
Did you hear that? He's a perversion of nature.
Why, isn't that excitin'?
- Bye-bye. - Thanks so much.
Bill! Bill?
You really can't have a picnic or a barbecue without devilled eggs.
They're just... the best. They make a thing.
Oh, Edward, that's wonderful! I didn't know you'd chopped the whole thing.
We're gonna be...
Oh. All right now, it's just a nick.
There's no need to be nervous, dear.
Esmeralda won't be here. And the rest of the neighbors, they're really very nice.
There's no need to be nervous. They're so eager to meet you!
You just have to be yourself.
- Myself? - That's right. Just your own sweet self.
- Thanks, Edward. - Hey! Play scissors, paper, stone with us.
Play scissors what?
I got a doctor friend might be able to help you.
- He did them just like that! - That is incredible.
- Hi, Mike, how you doin'? - Hello, Jack.
Hey, kids!
Hi, George Monroe. That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed.
Harry! I saw you on the golf course last week...
Are you OK? Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry?
Do you want a cracker?
- He's different. - Completely different.
No kidding.
- He's so... - Mysterious.
Yeah.
D'you imagine those hands are hot or cold?
And just think what a single snip could do.
Or undo.
Eddie. Eddie.
The guys and I want to invite you to our card game Friday night.
Would you like that?
Only thing is... you can't cut!
I have my own infirmity. Never did me a bit of harm.
Took some shrapnel during the war, and ever since then I can't feel a thing!
Don't you ever let anybody tell you you have a handicap.
Who's handicapped? My goodness.
Don't be ridiculous! You're not handicapped, you're...
What do they call the... exceptional?
My name's Joyce, and I noticed that you have not tasted any of the ambrosia salad...
that I made especially for you.
Allow me.
Mmm!
Mmmm!
- You must try this. It's my mother's recipe. - Doesn't this look gorgeous?
With a green thumb like yours, I sure could use your help at my place.
I want a row of angels!
I am so sorry, ladies, but he's promised to come to my house first. Haven't you, Eddie?
- I did? - OK, everybody, grab your plates!
Soup's on!
Azhuzhizha zhigabab.
- What? - I thuzhizha zhizhgabab.
It is shish kebab. It was a figure of speech.
You shouldn't take things so literally.
"Let us pretend we are in the drawing room and the hostess is serving tea."
"Many numerous little questions confront us."
"Should the man rise when he accepts his cup of tea?"
"May lump sugar be taken with the fingers?"
No.
"Is it good form to accept a second cup?"
"Should the napkin be entirely unfolded...
or should the centre crease be allowed to remain?"
"It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders,
but etiquette tells us just what is expected of us...
and guards us from all humiliation and discomfort."
Mm, yes. Boring.
Let us switch to, uh...
to some poetry, hm?
"There was an old man from the Cape,"
"Who made himself garments of crepe."
"When asked: Will they tear?"
"He replied: Here and there,"
"But they keep such a beautiful shape!"
That's right.
Go ahead, smile. It's funny.
That's right.
We're home.
Shit.
Everything's still sopping.
- I can hardly wait to take a shower. - And to sleep in a bed.
If my parents have the alarm set, I'm screwed.
I told you to call them and tell them we're coming back early.
- But did you? - Nope, he'd rather complain.
How else am I supposed to get attention?
- You didn't call your parents. - They don't run things like a police state.
- Bye. Thanks for driving, Denny. - Bye.
- Bye.
- Don't forget your arm! - Oh, yeah.
Come on, Jim, let's go.
There's somebody in my room! Go look! Look!
He's a murderer! He's got an axe! He tried to kill me!
- Everything's OK. - Mom, go look!
Go back to bed, Kevin.
This way.
Edward's come to live with us. There is nothing to be upset about.
OK. We’ll have you set up here in a minute.
We got a full queen-size bed here, believe it or not.
Oh, it's all made and everything. Good.
There you go.
What's the matter? What's wrong?
She get you nervous?
You've been cloistered away up in that castle too long.
You don't know about the wonderful world of teenage girls. They're all crazy.
- Here, this'll straighten you right out. - What is it?
Lemonade.
I don't know what it is.
They reach a certain age...
They develop these gland things, their bodies swell up...
They go crazy.
Glands?
Yeah, glands.
I try not to think about it.
Good, isn't it?
Now, you stay in Kevin's room tonight and tomorrow we'll fix your room right up.
Why did you have to bring him here?
I couldn't have left him all alone. You'd have done the same.
Why does he have to stay here?
My goodness, Kim, I'm surprised at you. He can't help the way he is.
- Have a little sympathy. - I do have sympathy.
Then say a little greeting. Come downstairs, shake the man's hand...
- Shake his hand?! - Well, not literally.
- Goodness, you scared him half to death! - I scared him to death?
Hi, Bill! I just wanted you two to have a proper introduction.
Edward, this is our daughter Kim.
Kim, this is Edward, who's gonna live with us.
Hi.
H-h-h... H-h-h...
Eddie!
Thirsty?
Kisses! Hush up!
Shh, quiet now!
Darlin', I can hardly hear myself think! Momma's precious little baby girl...
Aah! Wouldn't you like a nice cool glass of lemonade?
Lemonade?
One chop to a guy's neck, and it's all over.
Sharpest things in the world. They can hack through anything.
And...
They give me the creeps.
You should see the clown in Miss Peters' yard.
Kim!
- Oh, no. - That's him?
- He's calling you, Kimba. - Stop it!
Marge) Edward, you forgot your cookies.
Don't worry, Eddie. She's waiting for ya!
- Stop! - Let's go.
Bill, Edward had lunch at Jackie's today...
and she just had her kitchen completely redone.
- I'll be darned. - New paint, new cabinets, new floors,
a new microwave, new silent dishwasher... - Isn't that wonderful?
Jim, didn't you just tell me your mom had her kitchen done too?
Yeah, my dad bought himself a bunch of new toys.
Big-screen TV, CD players, VCR with four heads...
My goodness sake! I wonder what it's like to be that rich.
They keep things locked up.
My father has his own room for his stuff to make sure I can't use it.
He won't even help me buy an old car.
He probably wants you to pay for it yourself. It builds character. You'll appreciate it more.
Dad...!
Speaking of money... I understand you're not charging for your gardening, Edward.
Now, Bill... Marge made him cookies today.
Sweetheart...
You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.
You can't buy a car with cookies. Am I right, Jim?
Uh, that's true, sir, you can't.
I... I can't eat that. He used his hands.
It's... I don't think it's sanitary.
I'm sorry.
Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?
No, that's OK.
I'll be right back.
Alexis? Oh, this can't possibly be my Alexis!
She looks so beautiful! Look at you! Sweetie!
She's gorgeous. Thank you!
It won't be long. She just has to decide on the style.
And then it'll be fine.
I was hopin' for somethin' big and kinda bouffant. Kinda like mine?
Now don't you worry, Kisses, you're gonna be just fine. You're gonna be so pretty.
Yes, you are. Oh!
Oh! My!
Oh! Ohh!
Oh! Eddie, is there anything you can't do?
You take my very breath away, I swear. Look at this!
Have you ever cut a woman's hair?
Would you cut mine?
That was the single most thrillin' experience of my whole life.